Most of us have had to go through a breakup; some of us more than once. And no matter how many times it happens, it's always ugly. Not that there's any blueprint to follow to give you some sort of immunity against the pain that comes with it.
Of course the degree of hurt and the time you take to recover varies, depending on your level of attachment and familiarity, how strongly you feel about the other person, and the circumstances that occasion your breakup. If your partner leaves, you wonder why you're not good enough, you're angry that you're deemed not good enough, you're afraid that you will never be good enough for anybody. If you are the one who insists on breaking up, you question yourself relentlessly as to why you break up, if you are to blame, if you haven't been willing to make enough compromises to make the relationship works, if you are going to regret breaking up.
First things first. Mourn. Cry. Eat a tub of ice-cream. Talk to someone. Curl up in bed or on your sofa with your favorite socks until you want to get up. Anything. Anything to make you feel better. There's no rush. Take your time. There's no point drowning yourself in work or other activities, trying not to think about it. You only postpone confronting your feelings. A stupid thing to do, because sooner or later they will catch up with you. You can ignore them, but they're lurking there somewhere. The first few days are not the time to be rational - or to try to be rational. The first few days are the time to be emotional and unreasonable and illogical and foolish. And you have the right to be.
When you're in a little better shape, let's try to put things in perspective. Breaking up is not always a matter of not being good enough. Good enough for who? Things just don't work out sometimes: the circumstances are wrong, there are other things that need to be taken care of, and once in a while even the most intimate couples need time off from each other.
Rather than obsessively seeking explanations to the way things turn out, why not let things run theircourse for a chance? Being in a relationship demands emotional involvement. Sometimes you need to give yourself time and take a step back from the relationship to be able to see it from different angles. Try bringing a book very close to your face. Can you read it? Can you make out the sentences? Being deeply involved in a relationship is similar to bringing a printed page too close to your face: you can't see things clearly - you miss the larger picture - because you are too emotionally involved. Spending time apart can give you the time and distance you need to see things in a new, sometimes clearer, light. Let go. Don't hold on to feelings of anger, sadness or hatred; start thinking about your next step. Don't regret anything. You learn something from every experience. Yes, even from the most appalling ones.
Collect the things that are likely to remind you of your ex and put them away somewhere. If you want to sort them out later, do that - but not until you've given yourself enough time and space. Rearranging your living space can help too. Make a new beginning. You're done with one phase of your life. Reorganizing your bedroom can signify a new beginning. If anything, physical activity will help keep niggling thoughts at bay. This will occupy your mind and help you deal better with leftover pain.
Do things that you've always wanted to do but haven't got time for. Now that you have more time on your hands, it's time to try some new things. Take that cooking class you've been meaning to take, probably, take a random drive around town, or catch up with an old friend over dinner. Recognize that there are other things you can take pleasure in apart from the relationship you have just gotten out of.
Remember this, always without fail, the Universe in its infinite wisdom will bring about change in your life. Whether you are ready for it or not. When we are not able to make the changes ourselves, it will be done for us. An ending gives cause for a new beginning. Not always an easy thing to do, but in the end, may hap, the best thing for all concerned.Enjoy your life regardless. Always. The cup is half full, not half empty.
MsPeg is very direct and honest. Her moto is say what you mean and mean what you say.