As 2011 comes to its close, many thoughts are in my mind. Running through this last year. Thinking of the times Ive had, the processing Ive been through. I wanted to put a few ideas on paper so to speak~
There are lessons in every day. This I know from personal experience. Of late, I have been fighting with doubt. I know in my hear that everything is on track and going according to plan. Yet there is this nagging way back place that says....."yea, but Peg, you always screw things up"....I try to ignore it, and then, in moments of alone time, poof! There it is again.
So Im thinking that lessons come to me for a reason. Im not embasrrassed to share them with all of you. I feel there is a purpose to what it is I believe and do. Then there must be a reason that this is happening. Sometimes I wonder if old habits come back to the forefront when I speak to a client who reminds me of my past. But this is not the case of late, calls have been slim. And even as I wrtie this I can feel the energy from guides telling me there is nothing to pin this on but me.
The woman that I have become, the person you all know now is quite different than the woman I once was. I have remnants of temperament and attittude, but all in all, finding my spiritual path has most certainly changed my life for the better. As I sit here writing this I know its for a reason, and for the life of me I am working it out here with all of you.
I am a perfectionist in most aspects of my life. Im a list keeper, and a budget planner. Im constantly writing things down. The plan is all worked out, believe me, I have hit it from every angle. And I know to some it might seem a bit "flying by the seat of my britches"....yet, I have not a single worry that the home that is to be mine and my childrens will show itself upon my arrival.
Where does this nagging feeling come from? I figure you all must have levels and dregrees of this bothersome issue also. I feel like something from the past is creeping up behind me very quietly and trying to knock me in the back of my knee to buckle my leg and stop me from moving forward.
We all choose our karma, this I believe. Some of us choose tougher then others.....and the old soul energy I feel says to me, this is the last go round if I choose, and get it all right. Do the right thing at every turn, stand in the right choices at the cross roads of my life. Free will is a wondeful tool but only if used properly. I have mis used its power in the past....I work ever so diligently to not make those mistakes again.
Not all things that make us over think are bad. This I know. There is a balance in all things in the ebb and flow of the universal tide. I do feel however, that this that is plaguing me is not a positive energy. I feel it is the cords of my past crawling after me hoping I stand still just long enough to glom onto me again.
So why do I write this to you all today? Because I am very sure that this is some of what goes on inside of us all. The difference in the woman then and the woman NOW is very simple....I get it, I feel it, I see thru it, and I know what it is. These types of things would knock me silly in the past....all the indecision, doubt, fear and worry. No longer do they hold center stage. And even tho I sit here and tell you, I am concerned for the choices Ive made, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will be shown yet another lesson in this lifetime very soon.....want to know what it is?
Do not resist the change.....the force that is inside of me that pushes me to make choices, and feel my way in the dark....I am not afraid. Plain and Simple....I fear not a thing and I realize that the little tiny thing that is trying to impede my change forward is ME. Not the choices, not the place I chose, not the home Ive yet to find, not the men I let go of, and most certainly, not myself.
The end of this year is upon us. As we head into 2012 we seek balance and inner peace. I appreciate being able to get things out here in this venue, and thank you for coming here to read my jumble of thought and process.
I feel better already, purging my energy of these thots. So take heed in your own lives....look the face in the mirror in the eye and allow nothing to slip past you. Spiritually I am a strong, intelligent, capable woman.....my human self suffers with flaws.....but the all of it is so damn sill simple....I THINK IT......IT IS!!! Period~!
MsPeg is very direct and honest. Her moto is say what you mean and mean what you say.